There’s been way too much time to think

I apologize for the delay. Not only are we in a weird global pandemic, but I also had to deal with the death of a family member. I needed some time to process and heal. Three months inside of a house alone gives you a lot of time to self reflect and read self help books. It also drives you a little mad.

You know that phrase “if they want to, they will”? It’s very much true. I was casually seeing someone for a little over a month when some one very near to me passed. This dude straight up disappeared. I got ghosted during the death of my family member. So I started reflecting trying to see what signs I missed and where it went wrong.

At first this guy planned sweet dates and put effort into trying to impress me. We’d go to sporting events of teams I was a fan of, comedy shows because I like stand up, and he’d cook vegetarian options because of my dietary restrictions. I was so swept up in the activities I forgot to look at the little things. He rarely spoke of future plans. During the time we were dating both Valentines Day and my birthday passed, and he didn’t even try to be involved with either. I was so hung up on the sweet dates or the thoughtful food options I forgot to notice the little things that do matter.

It made me start to think what else hadn’t I noticed? So, like any person devoted to improving their life I started reading all sorts of self help books. I mean, when we’re quarantined and unable to go anywhere the only thing you have is time. I poured over pages of dating mistakes and mishaps.

Boy did the results humble me. I was still settling. I was still okay with someone treating me as an option. The hope of a relationship, the thrill of the is he into me, and the constant wondering of am I wasting my time over took me. Again, I stopped mutually dating and began to try to prove I was worth his time.

The thing with dating is it is an investment. However, you shouldn’t ever have to spend your time convincing someone you’re worth liking. Not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay. When we try to prove to someone we’re worth keeping around, we subconsciously are telling ourselves they’re better then we are. We immediately discredit all the work, all the achievements, and all the value we have to offer.

A few of the books I’d read talked about how we start to try and please a guy, only to end up losing our own identity. I know I’m guilty of this. Bringing up things that bug me or makes me uncomfortable is a huge stress for me. A lot of the time I will try to deal with something or spend hours alone in emotional distress because I didn’t deal with an issue. If you don’t like something say it. If they did something that bugs you (within reason) say it.

When you have your own identity and are strong in who you are, it doesn’t really matter what your partner thinks. The right person will accept you as you are. Mr. Wrong often times leaves you upset, doesn’t seem to understand you or like you, and doesn’t consider you. You have to get to a point where you’re strong enough in yourself that you could careless if he’s going out with the guys tonight and has barely texted you. You’ve got better things to do then stress over a man or wait for him.

I’m obviously guilty. This is something I struggle with still. No one’s perfect. Everyday I’m working on being comfortable with who I am. Whether I’m writing affirmations or doing my hair and make up that day, I’m doing little things to try and help me to feel better about me.

When you love yourself, you’re not going to let anyone who doesn’t near you. Anyone who doesn’t meet your level of respect won’t stick around. There’s always a down quiet period during a transformation. Think of that time as a caterpillar in their cocoon waiting to transform into a butterfly. It’s okay if you feel lost or down or confused. Use that to motivate you into a personal growth plan.

I can tell you during this quarantine I’ve committed to at least a 10 minute work out a day, meditating 4 days out of the week, and walking my dog at least a mile 5 days a week. When you set small personal goals it creates motivation, but you also start to feel like you’ve accomplished something.

I hope to write more frequently then I did the last few months. I look forward to the next bit of inspiration. Have a great day and thank you for reading this!

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