Are you my soulmate?
Well hello there! This is my blog dedicated to figuring out what a soulmate love is and how I can make sure I’m ready for it. It’s all my learning lessons, my triumphs, my struggles, and how I’m learning to love me along the way. Being a human is hard and it’s not any easier trying to figure out how to bring love into your life.
The one thing in life that seems inevitable, at least for most people, is this longing desire to be adored, cared for, accepted, and loved. I know it’s something that I long for. It’s something I lost sleep and happiness over for way too long. Unfortunately, nothing in life is guaranteed. The life we plan out never seems to go according to the very thought out, the very detailed, and the very perfect blue prints that we dream up. It can feel devastating. Our whole life can be turned upside down by the simple fact that all of our hopes and wants get wrapped up into one thing. A lot of the times it’s love. I know it’s been like that for me. Look at how popular the show Sex and The City was (still one of my favorites), or how many people have made their careers telling you how to get a partner. Figuring out love, dating, and everything in between is a very booming industry.
If I’ve learned anything along the way it’s that absolutely no one can love you until you love you. I know, I know, you’re saying “I’m so sick of hearing this.” Hear me out though. Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt and then felt the crash and burn of not receiving it? I have! It’s a lot of time that’s spent wallowing, reviewing all that went wrong, and finding ways to blame ourselves. At these times for me, I just want to lay in bed all day watching mindless TV. I try numbing my thoughts and feelings by drowning them out. The simple fact that we want it so bad that we become, dare I say, sort of desperate is the very reason we push love away. We get so wrapped up in the act of wanting it, in the hours of figuring out why we don’t have something, trying to figure out what we need to do to get it, and obsessing over someone we’ve only just met that we kind of neglect ourselves. We get caught up in the hype that there’s this magic solution to curing single-ism. OR, for our taken folks, we get caught up in who we have that we loose ourselves.
A beautiful part of any union or partnering is that two souls come together. You with your interests and them with theirs. You’re not designed to be the same or to like every single thing the other one does. If you tell me that you both love all the same things and are the exact same in every way, I challenge you to really re-evaluate things and see where maybe someone isn’t being their true authentic self. If we alter our interests or try to force ourselves into liking something, we run the risk of being unhappy. I’m not saying don’t try anything. I’m simply suggesting that you be true to you.
I gave up so much of my wants, needs, who I was as a person because I bought the sauce that finding someone would make me happy. I spent way too many nights, hours, days, and weeks obsessing over, what we were? Where is this going? Does he like me? Does he think I’m funny? Did I prove that I’m successful enough? Have I come off too independent? Does he consider me in making his plans? All these small little things that would run wild in my mind. Granted, I was usually good at holding my composure until I was actually trying to date someone. Then, I would try and (subconsciously) prove myself. I would keep my house super tidy, I would cook dinners, I would always be extremely presentable. At the appropriate times, I would try to bring up issues in a calm, cool, collected way. Of course, making sure that they hadn’t dealt with enough during their day. Which doesn’t seem bad right? Only I didn’t do it for me, I legitimately did it to seem like the perfect human. This perfect, magical, flawless, and wonderful partner that they would never dream of leaving.
Spoiler alert, I’m single, so clearly that didn’t work. The fact is, we try to prove that we’re worth something no matter the cost to us. We immediately decrease our worth for a shot at love. This can be hard to admit. We automatically deny this at all levels. Hey, I’ll be the first to admit that I made this mistake for way too long. I’m a little stubborn (but only a little, ha!) After dating for well over a decade, I’m only just allowing this concept into my brain. I changed every little fiber of my being to try and be picked. It’s like that scene from Toy Story when those little green aliens all reach up at the claw trying to be selected. Don’t get me wrong I had standards, but not anywhere near what I should’ve. The broken, the damaged, the narcissistic, and the abusive were unfortunately roads I frequently traveled. It was my weird love addiction.
I tried for years to prove I was worth something, that I was good enough, and if only one of these guys would notice that, I could believe it too. Sad, I know. You could totally be reading this thinking what an idiot. Hey, we all live and learn. We all have lessons we have to go through. I approached dating with the mindset of “are you my soulmate?” Instead of realizing that I could be my own.
All the metaphysical people are about to say “that’s not how that works.” Well for all of you, I’m an Aquarius and naturally have to challenge that! Isn’t it? We have to be so aligned, so in-tune, and so in love with who we are that we only allow something that matches what we have for ourselves into our lives. If you don’t believe you’re worth love the exact flawed beautiful way you are, then you won’t allow a love in that will love and accept you the way you are. If you can’t love yourself when you’re down, or learning your lessons, then how do we expect someone else to? I’m not sure about you, but I just want someone to love me, the real true authentic me. There for if we become our own soulmate, we bring in our own soulmate. Maybe you don’t believe in soulmates? Well hold in there, this isn’t quite what you think it is.
This blog is my journey of self love. Figuring out me, and my passions, and what steps I’m taking to truly fall in love with me. We’ve all been in that dark place trying to climb our way out. Learning to be gentle with ourselves, learning to take each experience as a lesson, and learning to forgive ourselves is crucial to happiness. It took me a very long time to realize this. I’m way further ahead then where I was, but I don’t feel like self love is something you can ever truly say “I’ve mastered this and don’t need to work on myself anymore.” We all evolve and we all grow. Life likes to throw so many random plot twists that you can’t have it all figured out. I just wanted to try and help others who are in the same spot, or who need some encouragement to find their way. I’ll share stories of my past and present, books I’ve read, hobbies that I pick up and develop, and anything relevant to learning to be my own soulmate. I’ll share anything that I can think of that can help. I hope you read my journey, or find something relevant, or maybe get inspired to create your own self love journey. The only way to bring soulmate love in is to give it to yourself first. This is my way of holding myself accountable.
You may find it weird, you may find it completely hard to relate to. That’s alright this isn’t for you then. For those of you that can relate on some level. I get it and you’re not alone.
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